How Can I Improve My Relationship? Part 4 of 4

This is the last of four posts that answer the question, How can I improve my relationship? In the first post we looked at the importance of knowing each other’s weaknesses and prayer. In the second post in this series we looked at being an influencer, finding good counsel and learning to listen and empathize. In the third post we looked at being courageous and developing sensitive conversation skills. Here are the final three of the 12 ways to do this. KEY 10: Let go of control and outcome. One of the biggest problems in relationships is trying to control outcomes when we don’t need to. For example, in conversations we might try to make sure that they agree with us or that the conversation ends with the result we want. Or we might try to control their actions and get stressed or angry when we can’t. Thus, it is important to ask yourself Continue Reading →

How Can I Improve My Relationship? Part 3 of 4

Today we continue with our big question, how can I improve my relationship? In the first post we looked at the importance of knowing each other’s weaknesses and prayer. In the second post in this series we looked at being an influencer, finding good counsel and learning to listen and empathize. KEY 7: Be courageous. One of the big reasons we don’t tackle relationship difficulties is that we are afraid. We are afraid of conflict, we are afraid of getting hurt, we are afraid of doing it wrong, etcetera. In order to combat this, ask yourself if you are afraid. Then ask yourself if the fear is really as big as you think. Then ask yourself if that fear should really stop you from tackling a difficulty. Is it worth some discomfort to improve a relationship? The antidote to fear is faith. Trust God to help you and to help you learn. Continue Reading →

How Can I Improve My Relationship? Part 2 of 4

Today we continue with our big question, how can I improve my relationship? In the previous post we looked at the importance of knowing each other’s weaknesses and prayer. KEY FOUR: Remember your role as an influencer You have heard it said “You can’t change people.” Hopefully, people who say that mean that you can’t make people change, but many people don’t understand it this way. Many people think they can’t be a channel of change for someone else, or they use that idea as an excuse not to even try because it seems like hard work. But of course we can change people in the sense that we can influence people. In fact, scripture repeatedly asks us to influence people! We are to express kindness to them even if they are an enemy (an “enemy” for the moment?), hoping that they will be affected and follow the Lord. Scripture also Continue Reading →

How Can I Improve My Relationship? Part 1 of 4

Many of us have at least one challenging relationship in our life. It hurts and we find ourselves asking, How can I improve my relationship? Most of what Jesus taught is connected to relationships. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love others. This is the foundation and end of spiritual growth. Relationships are the most important element of Christianity! This means we should learn to master relationships and how to love people. Thus, relationship difficulties are our biggest testing ground and our biggest growth opportunity. We will look at 12 keys to dealing with the difficulties we have in relationships. KEY ONE: Know your weaknesses. We all have relationship weaknesses. If we can be honest about them we will be able to take them into account when confronting a relationship difficulty. Be aware of your patterns and how they affect people. Be Continue Reading →

7 Tips For Listening Well & Making Someone Feel Valued

One of the most important elements of loving people is listening well. For me, this is a skill that always has room for improvement, but it is worth the effort and discipline because often it is the one thing that tells someone I care. In other words, it is essential to Christian love and Kingdom community. How we listen is a great indicator of how much we value relationships. The challenge is that listening involves death to self and a commitment to someone else’s well-being. When I talk, I love it when I can see someone is really listening and considering what I am saying, so that is the least I can do for others when they speak. Listening well is one of the most important ways of making someone feel valued. True listening may be one of the highest of virtues, but many people are very weak in their Continue Reading →