Category: Relationships

responsible for others' happiness

Are You Responsible For Others’ Happiness?

Posted on by

I know it’s popular for Christian and secular counselors to say that others aren’t responsible for our happiness. But the fact is, they are. Not completely, but partly. That’s why Jesus and His apostles taught us to live in community. We are all partly responsible for others’ happiness. Much, if not most, of the teachings on relationships in the New Testament begin with the assumption that we affect others’ happiness. Scripture instructs us to “encourage each other” (Heb. 10:25). 2 Corinthians 1:4 teaches: “Who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” We are responsible to bring comfort and encouragement to others, which are elements of happiness. Many other passages could be cited to support this. That is why the popular teaching about happiness is dangerously mistaken. Continue Reading →

two friends shapening

One Person Sharpens Another

Posted on by

In a godly friendship we incorporate biblical fellowship and edifying words into our interactions with another. We go beyond encouraging and affirming one another in Christ which has a limited impact on our maturity. Since our top priority is pleasing God, we go further and consciously help each other to become like Christ. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17, NIV). Scripture instructs us to “Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives” (Col. 3:16, NLT). A “soul friend” is an advanced godly relationship in which two people are highly committed to being open to the influence and direction of each other in order to become like Christ. They practice quality biblical fellowship and develop interdependence; they are spiritual counselors for each other. Since we are secure in the friendship, we are free to direct each other to die to self. We gently Continue Reading →

receive comfort

Humbly Receiving From Others

Posted on by

When we respond to others, it helps to be mindful of how we like to be treated after we say something; usually our strongest desire is for others to give weight to our words. Likewise, when others speak we can honor them by giving weight to their words in our response. We deem their words important and we let those words influence us when appropriate. This shows that we value them and indirectly shows that God values them since Christ’s character is presumably flowing through us. More specifically, if they are offering comfort or help to us, then we are to receive it with humility. This shows them that we value what they are giving, and it affirms that we value our relationship with them. Consider how you feel when you try to help someone and they will not receive it; it feels like you hit a wall. Therefore, it Continue Reading →

honesty

When Being Honest Is Risky

Posted on by

Scripture teaches that we are to “put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor” (Eph. 4:25, NIV). Honesty is a greater challenge when it comes to pointing out an uncomfortable truth that others are ignoring, which is important for moving to elder-level maturity. For example, if someone we are close to or have responsibility for is harming others or themselves with attitudes, words or actions then do we not have a duty before God to say something? “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov. 27:6, ESV). Sometimes we need to speak up even when there is no intention to harm. For example, if our congregation or ministry is having a problem and no effective solutions are being implemented, then we need to speak the truth and point out the negligence. Groups tend to ignore uncomfortable root issues or adopt low-pain solutions that have little hope of success. Consistent Continue Reading →

friends

Looking For A Soul Friend?

Posted on by

The 6th-century Celtic nun St. Brigid is reported to have said that “A person without a soul-friend is a body without a head.”[1] No matter how much status we have in the body of Christ we are to develop interdependence with some believers and express our need for them. In a godly relationship we go beyond encouraging and affirming one another in Christ. If it ended there it would become narcissistic for both, easily devolving into boosting each other’s self-esteem and just pleasing each other instead of pleasing God. Rather, since our top priority is pleasing God, it means that we help our friend to become like Christ and invite them to do the same to us. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17, NIV). We are secure in the friendship, so we are free to help each other to die to self. We point out Continue Reading →