How To Accept Yourself -Overcoming Self-Rejection – Part 3

For the last two weeks we have been looking at overcoming shame and self-rejection. The first week is here. Last week we began a practical process for doing this. This week we continue with that process as we work through the key step of forgiving and accepting your younger self, which is step 5.

Step 5: Forgive and accept your younger self. If one of the issues is that you believe your younger self committed a sin then go through the process of forgiving them outlined below. Remind yourself that everyone is sinful and needs forgiveness. Speak directly and out loud to your younger self.

Common sins include: becoming involved in sexual matters (for example, “playing doctor,” or disrobing in front of friends); the child did not stop the abuse against themselves (even though this might have been impossible, the adult still holds this as a grudge against the child); the child stole things; the child did not perform up to standard and is a failure; etc.

Here are the standard steps of forgiveness for deep healing:

1. Express to your younger self:  (look in their eyes as you do this)
   1. what they did
   2. how it hurt you
   3. all your emotions
   4. how it affected you, especially throughout your life
   5. what your expectations and desires were of them, and how they broke them
2. Name each offense as sin.
3. Forgive them from the heart.  You will probably want to wait awhile for this to come.
4. Ask forgiveness from them for the grudge you’ve held against them, i.e., your unforgiveness.
5. Let this all sink into your heart and let your emotions flow inside you, and let any pictures that come to you flow.
6. Ask Jesus to come into this memory or situation and bring any healing he wants.

If the issue is more of a weakness in your younger self or an offense against your younger self (such as sexual abuse) then accept your younger self with that weakness/offense. Again, speak directly and out loud to your younger self. Tell your younger self what the weakness/offense is and that it is okay to have weaknesses/offenses and that you accept them with their weaknesses/offenses. Allow some silence when you are done so that the acceptance sinks in.

If others placed false labels on you (for example, “ugly”, “stupid”, “worthless”, “unwanted”, “too weird”), or you accepted false labels on yourself then renounce those labels by saying something like “I reject the labels of _______”.

If have been feeling shame then remember how Jesus suffered on the Cross for your shame and sins. In your mind’s eye put your hands on the nail prints in Jesus’ wrists. Let your sin and shame flow out of you and into Jesus through his nail prints. Let Jesus take up into his body all your sin and shame.

” Tell your younger self that you renounce all self-rejection and you no longer view yourself with shame. ”

Tell your younger self that you renounce all self-rejection and you no longer view yourself with shame. This is an important milestone since it is the culmination of the whole process up to this point. Let this sink in.

Declare new labels on yourself. Make a list of the good labels about yourself and the labels that God puts on you. Then go through each one and say something like “I declare that you are _______”. After you declare a new label then state out loud that you accept the new label. When you are done allow some silence to let the new labels to sink in.

If you continue to feel important things happening inside, then let them continue until it seems they have run their course.

After you are done, if you think you still hold shame or self-rejection against yourself then wait a couple weeks or more and go through this process all over again. Often these issues are removed in layers.

If you see that you have made progress then rejoice! You are breaking free!

Next week, the final week, we will work through confession and reconciliation.