Using Relationship Principles For Powerful Evangelism – Part 1

Somehow I got into a debate online with someone who was complaining about God ordering the death of some people in the Old Testament. We went back and forth until finally I explained that the root reason for God’s judgment was that the people were destroying relationships. They had embraced a destructive culture even to the point of sacrificing infants to their idols. The other person didn’t respond to my comment. What could he say?

Usually when we think of apologetics in evangelism we think of presenting evidence related to facts of the Christian faith. But sometimes apologetics relates to values or ideas that listeners already embrace. For example, when Paul evangelized gentiles he did not use the same ideas that he used with Jews. When he spoke to gentiles in Athens, Greece he talked about general ideas about God that many gentiles already had, such as the idea that we are all God’s children. We often refer to this practice as contextualization of the gospel, and in Athens Paul used contextualization for apologetics. He was persuading his listeners with their own ideas as well as with Jesus’ teachings.

If we apply contextualization to America and other Western societies, one of the ideas that most unbelievers have that can connect them to Jesus is the idea that healthy relationships are valuable. We observe in our society that many books and shows and songs are about issues relating to relationships. Thus, the topic of healthy relationships is a big doorway to effective presentation of the gospel.

This kind of apologetics looks at what traits and actions produce healthy relationships and then shows how the same traits and actions are also important to a relationship with God. The traits and actions illustrate how God wants to connect with us. For many of these traits we can even cite studies that demonstrate their value. God values relationships above all which is why loving God and others are the two greatest commandments. Overall, we show the similarities between a relationship with God and the natural understanding  that many seekers have about relationships.

Following is a talk that one could present to seekers who care about healthy relationships.

“Think about someone you love very much and who also loves you. If you don’t have such a relationship think about the ideal relationship you would like to have. You understand in your heart that this relationship is a good thing and that it is something you want to preserve. You experience that the relationship increases your well-being and increases the well-being of the other. The relationship brings security, peace, positive self-image, and joy to each of your lives.

Now consider this. Is it possible that this relationship is a clue to truth and life and happiness? Is it possible that it teaches you something about the way God designed the universe?

Think about why your relationship works. For one thing, there is no force in the relationship, each one chooses the relationship willingly. The fact that this relationship is by choice is one of the reasons it encourages you. The other person could have chosen others instead of you, but they chose you.

Another feature of your relationship is that you accept them as they are and they accept you as you are. You love each other regardless of the other’s faults. In fact, one of the reasons you treasure this relationship is that the other person actually knows you and still accepts you. They get you. And you feel safe enough to reveal your inner self to them. You feel privileged that they reveal their inner self to you in ways they don’t with others. Each of you practices honesty and vulnerability with the other. They don’t pretend that you don’t have faults and you don’t pretend not to have faults. Each of you knows the other is a mixture of good and bad, strengths and weaknesses. Neither of you pretends that the other is all good or all bad.

Other traits of a healthy relationship include patience, listening, consistent kindness, dependability, humility, and sacrifice. Each of you tries to practice these qualities with the other. These traits are essential to the health of the relationship; without them the relationship ceases to bring well-being to either of you.

Another important element is consistent honesty. In all things you try to be honest with the other. Even in small things honesty is important because it is about respecting the other and respecting the relationship. You would rather they hurt your feelings than be dishonest with you. You want someone who tells you the truth, but who tells it with kindness because they care about you.

This leads to another important element: trust. This is implied in almost everything I have already said. You trust each other. You believe they have your best interests in mind and that they will tell you the truth even if it hurts. They believe the same things about you.

Another key to your relationship is forgiveness. Once in a while the other person will disappoint you. When this happens you don’t hold a grudge, instead you let it go. You forgive and keep your relationship strong. They do the same for you.

However, if for some reason the other begins to repeatedly mistreat you then you have a problem. You may forgive them but at some point you can’t trust them anymore.  If you tell them about the problem but they don’t do anything about it then they haven’t given you much choice. If the mistreatment continues you realize that you have to separate from them. It’s not wise for you to keep submitting yourself to the mistreatment, and it’s not good for the other to let them continue their ways. You may still love them and in some cases you may still have to live with them, but they have closed the door to their heart.”

Next week is Part Two of this post.